“Chris Christie has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for president. Christie said President Obama is ‘shrinking the American pie.’ And believe me, if there’s one thing Christie hates, it’s a small pie.” –Jay Leno
“Rick Perry’s advisers said he prepared for the last debate by getting a lot more sleep. Apparently, he did it during the debate.” –Jay Leno
“President Obama had beer with four unemployed construction workers. And Obama asked the guys what was it like to lose their jobs, and they were like, ‘Oh, you’ll see.’” –Jimmy Fallon
“At the last Republican debate, the candidates were seated according to how they’ve been doing in the polls. So Jon Huntsman was seated next to Tim Pawlenty at a Denny’s across the street.” –Conan O’Brien
“You know who’s also joining the Wall Street protesters? Kanye West. That’s a real good idea — a guy with diamonds in his teeth protesting greed.” –David Letterman
“San Francisco hosted the first medical marijuana job fair. The keynote speech was titled, ‘Jobs and How to Avoid Getting One.’” –Jay Leno
“Christopher Columbus claimed America for Spain. If the British had never come here, we would all be speaking Spanish – as opposed to just half of the country speaking Spanish.” –Jay Leno
“China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world. They could become the richest, but that’s only if we pay them the money we owe them, and that’s not going to happen.” –Jay Leno
“There’s a bill in Florida to repeal the state ban on dwarf tossing. Is this what Republicans mean when they say they want smaller government?” –Jimmy Kimmel
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