"There is danger from all men. The only maxim of a free government ought to be to trust no man living with
power to endanger the public liberty." - - - - John Adams

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Sunday Comics

Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Surpasses Two Hand Jobs

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[The Onion] Biden Offers Government Post To Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark

Calling the late-night horror film host well-suited for the job “and then some,” Vice President Joe Biden offered Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, an entry-level position within the U.S. Office of Personnel Management, White House sources confirmed Thursday.

Biden, who first saw the buxom temptress in a tight, revealing black dress on a Los Angeles television station in 1982, said he immediately “got rock hard” and realized Elvira had the necessary assets to go “real far,” and made it his personal mission to find the Mistress of the Dark a plum position in D.C. “Elvira’s hot to trot, so as soon as I was clued in to something opening up over at OPM, I got my main man McFarland on the horn and called in a favor,” said Biden

“Besides, it ain’t rocket science,” Biden continued. “All she’s gotta do is show up to a few meetings in that little low-cut black number of hers and she’s golden.” The vice president assured reporters that Elvira was more than qualified for the appointment, noting that the Mistress of the Dark had an impressive résumé of prior work experience that included starring roles in horror movies and Beer Chang commercials

Speaking at length about how Elvira had “kept the goods in mint condition,” the old goat reportedly became visibly emotional while describing how the shapely horror host’s cleavage had captured the hearts and minds of a generation of Americans. “I usually don’t go in for that spooky shit, but that vampire has quite the rack,” said Biden, adding that the dark-haired seductress has been a regular fixture in his “span