Marge: "There are only 49 stars on that flag."
Grampa: "I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missoura!"
Bart: "Didn't you wonder why you were getting checks for doing
Grampa: "I figured because the Democrats were in power again."
Grampa: "Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions."
Grampa: "Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot."
Grampa: "Thank you for this award. It is a tribute to this great country that a man who once took a shot at Teddy Roosevelt could win back your trust."
Grampa: "I haven't felt this relaxed and carefree since I was watch commander at Pearl Harbor."
Grampa: "The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead, and that's the way I likes it!"
Grampa: "Hot diggety! I'm gonna smooch her like a mule eating an apple! I even bought me some special novelty dentures. See?"
Grampa: "I was the one that canceled 'Star Trek'!"
Teenage Homer: "You wouldn't understand, Dad, you're not with it!"
Grandpa: " I used to be with IT but then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and weird. It'll happen to YOU!"
Lisa: "Oh, Grampa! You're not busy, are you?"
Grampa: "Well, you're really asking two questions there. The first one takes me back to 1934. Admiral Byrd had just reached the pole, only hours ahead of the Three Stooges ... and I guess he won the argument, but I walked away with the turnips. The following morning, I resigned my commission in the Coast Guard. The next thing I heard, there was civil war in Spain ... and, that's everything that happened in my life right up to the time I got this phone call."
Grandpa: "Ooh, I feel all funny - Ahh I'm in love! No, wait, it's a stroke."
Grampa: "Grass today is sharper than when I was a boy"
Grampa to juvenile Homer: "Son, I'm not going to lie to you. You're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride I say take it."
Marge: "Grandpa, you've lived an interesting life...."
Grandpa: "THAT'S A LIE AND YOU KNOW IT! But I have watched a lot of movies...."
Grampa: "I'm full of piss and vinegar! At first I was just full of vinegar."
Grampa: "I AM THE LINDBERG BABY!"