“The CIA is hoping Moammar Gadhafi’s weapons don’t fall into the wrong hands. Weren’t they already in the wrong hands?” –David Letterman
“Over 6 million people were evacuated from New Jersey ahead of the hurricane. And now, three of them have gone back.” –Jay Leno
“The rhetoric is heating up between Republicans Rick Perry and Mitt Romney. These two do not like each other. Perry has opposed many of Romney’s positions – but to be fair, so has Romney.” –Jay Leno
“Happy Birthday to John McCain, who turned 75 years old today! A lot has changed since he was born. Back then a dollar was worth 20 cents. Today, it’s not worth nearly that much.” –Jimmy Fallon
“They had so much rain in New York that a lot of the cabbies had their first shower in years.” –Jay Leno
“New York even the subways were closed for Irene. New Yorkers had nowhere to go to the bathroom. They were stunned.” –Jay Leno
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